I may not be seen, but I'll be damned if I won't be heard...

Here's a pic from the day of the video shoot in Kinshasa. These are the artists that performed on "Invisible Woman". Incredible singers and emcees from the DRC. Cecile Walo, Yollande (Diva Oracle), Lolo, Me-Toni Blackman, Monik Tenday, Grace, Anita (Nu Mama), & Ansia. Je Suis Une Femme Invisible. "I may not be seen, but I'll be damned if I won't be heard"...is a line from the poem/song.

The Early Morning Breeze Has A Secret to Tell You

I rolled over at 5:45am. In my mind I counted the hours of sleep. As I did the math in my head I wondered if it was enough to sustain me through teaching two classes this afternoon. However, once my mind got into motion I knew that returning to 'la-la land' would be a challenge so I got up. The skies are still dark as night, the streets are quiet and I don't even hear the rumblings of my early bird neighbors. This is why I sometimes love the darkness that begins the day. There's a Wayne Dyer lecture where he quotes Rumi I think---"The early morning breeze has secrets to tell you". He believes that it is God awakening you so that something important can be revealed to you during this time. Most of us resent having our sleep disturbed when we would be better off listening to spirit and moving into action. Today, I decided to be obedient so I am up.

It is December 11th and 2008 will soon be upon us. I love this time of the year. It is not because of the hoildays, but moreso because of the idea of 'new beginnings'. The new year offers us a chance to start again or at least it seems that way. Even as I type this short entry I am distracted by my desire to declutter my place, reorganize things and begin writing out my goals. I want to write letters of apology, forgiveness and gratitude. While in Kinshasa I met the most incredible human being, a fascinating individual who has shifted my paradigm in ways that I did not expect. We had simple conversations, yet they were so impactful. I began to ask myself certain questions and as the answers came I was able to return to New York with so much clarity. Now, I need to pray for the courage to act on what I feel, what I know.

I am itching to sort laundry and unpack my bags, but am thinking of what my angel said to me about approaching life as a pursuit of wins. I am unable to clearly articulate his point, but he used the example of how many successful comedians die sad, lonely and depressed as a way to make his point. Eish! I really want to write his explanation, but it has left my head. The mind is playing tricks on me this morning. Maybe it is just too early. lol. I must remember to ask him when we speak again so I can share the insight. Anyway, I think this is my cue to focus on creating order in my home right now. I just got back yesterday afternoon. Be well. Stay warm.

Brooklyn Here We Come

On Day One I never thought that I would have such mixed feelings about leaving the DRC. I am headed home soon. I'm ready to get back to my Bikram yoga class, but I feel like my work is unfinished. Many things were accomplished while here for this residency, but it feels like it is just the beginning. It is a the first step in the next phase of my work.

Lots of people seem to be interested in the dialogue about violence against women. It was the theme of the material we created in the creative sessions. I was so proud of the guys involved with the project. They showed such great respect for the women as we all worked together. Lexxus Legal, the coordinator, (www.lexxuslegal.com)--spoke eloquently to the artists as he reminded them about the purpose of our getting together. There was even a "tense moment" in the rehearsal with the female artists as we figured out the arrangement for "Je Suis Une Femme Invisible'"(I am an Invisible Woman). Neither of the translators were in the room at the time so I didn't speak on it, but Lexxus handled it so well. Yesterday we had two video shoots. One of the songs called "One Voice" was for the ensemble song of men and women. We were in a hot production studio with two fans, bright lights, camera crew and lookers on. We each wore coordinated Congolese style dresses made for the shoot so I wanted to take a few photos. We talked and laughed like ladies sometimes do. One of the security guards seemed irritated by the good vibes of happiness and said something in lingala to one of the girls. They spoke back to him and as we walked away he tells one of them 'that's why I'll rape you and your loud mouth'. It was ironic because we were in the building to shoot a video to take a stand against violence and sexual violence. He said it so lightly as if rape were something to be joked about.

The second shoot took place in an area called Bandal. I squeezed into a car with the crew and everyone else piled into a local taxi (van with rows of benches). Bandal is known to produce some of the countries greatest artists and musicians. It's a lively place. One can feel the energy in the air. We only had an hour or so left of sunlight so the shoot went by pretty fast, but it was a surreal moment for me. I've had a love affair with Africa since I was two years old and to have so many memorable experiences in one year has been such a gift. My mother is even fascinated by the way my life is unfolding.

"Invisible Woman" is a poem I wrote in 1996 and is finally in song form. It is a moving interpretation of the piece and I am honored to see my work evolving. The US Department of State sponsored this project and the US Embassy here in Kinshasa spearheaded it. Lexxus and his team served as the local artist liasons on the ground. It's no secret that America has an image problem, but I think the government also has a problem with marketing. I've been involved with some pretty dynamic programs, projects that have changed lives, but no one hears about them or knows about them. I am committed to seeing this project through. It's tied to the work I started with my fellowship at the Soros Foundation with my project "I RHYME LIKE A GIRL". It's also tied to Freestyle Union and my entire career. My mission? To use music and poetry, to use hip-hop as a tool for social change---to uplife the human spirit, to inspire peace and to make the world a better place.

This trip has been multi-layered. I've made discoveries about myself and my relationships. I have learned so much more about Africa. I've also discovered what my basic needs are in an artistic collaboration and how to best articulate those needs. I took great care of my health this trip and was really disciplined. I met two new 'friends for life' and I also met someone who inspired me to shift my paradigm, to think differently about my goals and my future. Life is good. I am blessed. Like they say, Kinshasa can be difficult to manuever, but every struggle was worth it.

I'm feeling like I will end up living in Africa. I'm not sure exactly where, but I think maybe I am a dual-city person---6 months here, 6 months there...mmmm? We shall see what divine order holds.

Dinner Time

Last night, I went downstairs in the hotel around 8pm to grab a bite to eat. I was not looking forward to it, but knew I needed to hvae complete meal. The grilled Tilapia I had the night before was horrendous. I couldn't even eat more than a third of it. I got back from the studio session at 6:45. Then I couldn't pull myself away from the music videos. Between Channel O, TRACE TV and the 2 or 3 local channels playing music I could flip the station and inevitably find so,ething I liked. I was able to dodge the booty shaking stereotypical trash. I actually saw a few videos that visually inspired me to think about my own.

There was an italian buffet in the restaurant tonight and the hostess was excited she would get to practice her enlish. I was excited I would get to practice my french. Natalie, the hostess/waitress, assured me that I would be satisfied tonight. I avoided the $40 buffets up until this point for a few reasons: 1)the quality of the food here has been a gamble; 2)Since the intensive cleanse I did this past summer I am unable to eat a lot at one time (it takes the fun out of a buffet); and 3)out of protest for the ridiculously priced food here in Kinshasa. We asked Bob to stop the van at the grocery store and I spent $60.19 on snacks (i.e. peanuts, oranges, juice, chocolate and a short can of pringles). He told us that we would have what he called STICKER SHOCK when the bill was totaled and he was not lying. However, the buffet also included a band and I desparately needed something to calm my soul. They say Kinshasa can be difficult to manuever, but my two week stay has been filled with such great musical highlights that it all balances out. By the third song I was smiling, eating and dancing in my seat. The band lit into a classic soukous melody and I had a flashback to Kilimanjaro in Washington, DC. If my cellphone had not crashed right before I left the US, I would have called Florence, Tuesday, Amadou or Adama just to say 'do you remember when?' ohhhhhhhhhhhh. BUT I have lost all of my numbers...sigh.

The man at the next table was also eating alone and struck up conversation. Of course, I am in the Democratic Republic of the Congo and I befriend a motivational speaker/lecturer/life coach. It was an incredible conversation. As the band played the soundtrack for this particular scene in the movie that is my life the saxophonist, an older chocolate version of your favorite uncle, serenaded each of the tables.....Congo style though. There was nothing mellow about the way he worked that horn.

As I walked down the long corridor back toward the elevator that would lead to my room I heard the Spinners.........Whenever you call me, I'll be there. Whenever you want me I'll be there. Whenever you need me I'll be there. I'll be arounnnnd...........They do not pipe elevator music here. lol. It made me think of my childhood at Grandma's house, California Bay Area breezes, fish fries and a time in my life when I didn't have to do affirmations to believe that a world could exist without war. Sigh. Oh well I thought to myself: tomorrow we record music that will make a difference.....

So much to learn.

There is so much to know and so much to learn. I am discovering so much about the culture of this country, the politics and the customs. Every country on the continent of Africa is unique in its own special way. It requires a great deal of humility and patience to step out of my "American" shoes and get into the flow of the "Congolese" way. As a woman, I am practicing assertive feminity. Many of the women in our vibe sessions/workshops are very strong. They are vocal and expressive. However, the show is still largely being run by men. My challenge is learning how to communicate my desires and my needs for the work when those wants are in disagreement with the guys. It's interesting as I observe myself in various scenarios I realize just how much I am growing. Silence is sometimes the most difficult practice in the world. Patience is the second most difficult thing to be/have.

Life. So much of it is about growth. Love. So much of it is about growth. We are headed to the studio and I spent so much time replying to emails that I don't have time to finish my blog.

Sunday is Music Day in the DRC

Sunday is music day in the DRC. I have always heard that this is one of the most musical places in the world, but I didn't believe it to be true until today. A spectacle to behold, our eyes were greeted by theatrical hairstyles and coordinated outfits. One singer had six dancers dressed in short banana yellow skirts with bright red Dolce Gabana tank tops. Both elegant and beautiful each of the dark brown skinned women had her hair done in a similar style. On one of the television shows the presenter(host)--tall, handsome and debonair--wore a purple suit. The beer sponsor logo hung on tarp as the backdrop and seriously clashed with his outfit, but he was sharp.

Lexxus tried to prepare me for our media schedule, but I wasn't ready for the drama of it all. He explained the process of getting on tv and why the artists were lined up waiting to appear. Although, we all of the interviewers asked the customary questions and we performed the obligatory freestyle, I can honestly say that I've never experienced anything like this. World AIDS Day was a theme for each of the hosts and so the topic of HIV seemed to be on the tip of every one's tongue.

Be safe yall.

Congo Technical Difficulties...

Sorry. I did write a couple of entries, but saved them as drafts and now cannot figure out how to post a draft. Sigh. What gives? I must go now, but the days keep getting better. On Saturday I am in the studio with Lexxus and a few of the artists to work on my own stuff. Next week we record material for the project. Will try to get back to the blog this weekend......Be well. Holla.

Vibin' at the Workshop in Kinshasa

Oh my my my....we had the hottest cipher this afternoon at the cultural center. There were 6 dancers and about 19 or 20 emcees and singers. It started out lukewarm and kinda' slow. I stopped it and took some time out to talk about gettin' open. We talked about what it's like to get open. After that we started up again with the singers singing the same melody and a steady collective finger snap. Ahhh. Then the finger snap turned into a beatbox, followed by a 'soul clap' that shook the room like foot-stompin' church service. People started to get open and they did not want to stop. It was sooo hot. I was jet lagged before the cipher, but energized fully afterwards. I pointed out the fact that we achieved that high without 1-spending any money and 2-without beer, alcohol, weed or any other mood altering substances (the puffers found that funny lol!). I wanted to point it out because I know that in a real cipher, the cipher itself is mood-altering. It's meditational and creates the space for one to go into a trance.....the cipher here in Kinshasa was definitely powerful....I am so looking forward to tomorrow's workshops.

Not much time to blog today, but I wanted to check in...

In Kinshasa...

So we are here in the DRC. To say that the vibe at the airport in Kinshasa was intense would be an understatement. Michael Forde, the dancer I brought from Step Afrika, got caught up in customs. I got caught up in the crowd surrounding the baggage carousel and quickly realize that luggage needs to be scoped out immediately. The two brothers they sent from the embassy were there with a sign, but also meeting another guy who was not affiliated with our trip. The Public Affairs Officer here is incredibly passionate about this project so we both left our dinner with her family fired up. (Oh, can I mention she can cook like nobody's business.)

Anyway, it's day one (well technically day two) in Kinshasa. We've been told by a few locals 'don't trust nobody', but I don't think it's because you cannot trust "anybody", but more so because Michael smiles almost as much as me. Plus, both of us find it difficult to hide our enthusiasm. We are officially excited! Don't get it twisted now. Michael is straight Brooklyn in many ways. So much so I was a little nervous when the custom officers took him to a little room for what I knew was going to be some sort of bribe scenario---but he's also really kind. And his love for Africa just pours from his skin. I know I have my eyes wide open and I'm not as chatty in the hotel as I would normally be, but I feel good about being here even though we are here to confront a really horrendous issue---women are being used as war weapons. Please google and read about the problem here and/or go to Youtube. Everyone knows about the problem, but no one is talking about it.

When we rode by the hospital that Dikembe Mutombo built and then by the stadium that Muhammad Ali fought in when Don King produced 'the rumble in the jungle' I sighed deeply. I am so grateful for the opportunity to do the kind of work that I do. I wake up each day knowing for sure that I am living out my destiny. It is an incredible feeling to know that for sure. I never have to question it anymore.

We meet the artists tomorrow. I already know it's gonna' be hot. I watched TRACE TV after a really good night's sleep. I also watched some of the local music video channels and channel O. I danced by myself in the room. I opened the curtains and sang. I spit a freestyle before putting on my lip gloss.....I looked to the sky and closed my eyes as I spoke my affirmations aloud.

"I am open to the possibility of being a catalyst for change and transformation. I am a student and always willing to learn. I do my work with every ounce of my being. I pour my heart and my soul into everything that I do. I trust the universe to support me and my vision. I am audacious and stepping into a new pair of shoes---I wear these shoes boldly as I surrender to God's purpose for my life........Hip Hop Worldwide! Yes!"

Give Thanks.

All right. I am going to practice my french as I wait for the other folks on the van. Stay tuned for more postings. Feel free to comment and asks questions if you like. (The computer is a little slow so I'll go back for typos later...sorry.) Toni.

About the Lyrical Embassy

“Lyrics were once recited in open courtyards for Royal Families to do everything from comprehending the words of God, to learning the daily news. In time, such recitations were brought forth on parchment paper and unrolled by different family groups with anticipation of the news to come. We speculate that this practice helped promote the skill of reading, writing, and language comprehension. It also enforced the idea that words have power and that language and lyrics often serves as the glue used to build community. Such practices developed easily into the role of Ambassadorship with a constant reminder that one must never underestimate the role of diplomacy.

Today, however such a craft has lost sight of land. Many of our modern contemporaries find themselves cursing like drunken sailors in the abyss of the middle of the ocean, helpless and hopeful that if they cannot find land safely, may we still find them strong and courageous, and worthy of note. Music videos put such artists on the faces of dollar bills, records, and posters to be received by all the worlds communities. In the 1990's with America's Strong Dollar policy and exporting power, this pirate music found its way into the hearts and minds of the world's families. Synonymously, pirating of the music became rampant here in America and the corporations that commodified this craft without social responsibility received lessons in lyrical karma…” An excerpt from the Book of the Lyrical Ambassadors.